One Step to Closure
by Jam Hands
Summary: A short, one parter lit fic that raises the question of what would have happened had a Rory and Jess conversation taken place after the I love you. Takes place following Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel.Disclaimer: Some dialogue is taken


"I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go," she said to him, with confidence and ease as though for every different scenario of parting lines he would tell her, she had planned a different speech to precede his words.

He noticed the confidence that she exerted with her words. The little James Dean had nothing to retort or counter her with. He gulped and finally managed to spit out four words.

"Could we sit down?"

"No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?"

Jess paused. He had planned this out perfectly. He knew that the next time he was going to return to Stars Hollow he would have to tell her it sooner or later. And at that moment everything flashed through his mind. The first time he saw her in her room. The night she called him "Dodger." The spontaneous moment in which he laid down ninety dollars on a tiny basket of stale food. How hurt she seemed when he left for the first time without saying bye. That look in her eyes, the thirst she had for words. He didn't want to think that he could be responsible for any emptiness Rory could feel.

"I love you," he said, finally being able to put into words the feelings that he had been grasping onto for three years, since the first time he saw the girl, who was to him, the most beautiful in the world. Even if she didn't reciprocate what he was feeling, at least he could move on, with a sense of closure.

She didn't know what to say.

"What am I supposed to say to that? God. I mean really, Jess, what are you thinking sometimes. Why couldn't you have been able to realize this a year ago, before you took off without saying goodbye? No. You know what. I'm happy now. I've moved on," she said, saying the last sentence in a way that left the question as to whether or not she had fallen into love again open-ended.

The suspense of that was killing him.

"Rory, I know that you don't deserve me; you don't deserve to have to spend time with someone like me. You had it all figured out. I don't know who I am. I didn't even know my dad until this past year. I wasn't capable before of giving you what I can give you now, okay. Just listen to me when I say I am sorry for leaving."

"It's not a matter of listening to you. I believe that you're sorry, but I don't have time to wait around for you to find out who you are," she told him.

"Okay. I guess I'll let you go then. Have a nice life."

He meant that as sincerely as he could. A boy like him never expected to step into rural Connecticut and fall in love. His whole life even before that was built upon internalizing everything, and now that had cost him everything.

"You too, Jess."

It was funny to him. The whole climax of an ending that he had been anticipating between his first real love ended with just three words, and not even the three words he had wanted to hear.

He wandered down to the bridge, the one that held so many memories for him. In one year he was pushed off of it. That same year, he was even more love struck after sharing a special lunch with Rory on it. And of course, he could never forget the night he wandered down to the bridge after the terrible car accident and realized how much Luke understood him. And after that summer, it was at that verybridge that he finally realized that Rory could become his girlfriend after having an encounter with her, just following her breakup with Dean.

Staring at the ripples in the water, he wanted nothing more than to go back in time. To do all the right things at all the right times.

He shuffled through his pockets and took out a cigarette. He always wanted to quit for Rory, as he knew she disapproved of it, but somehow, that desire got set aside like many of the other things Jess wanted to do for Rory, but never followed through with.

Jess sat there, fumbling with his cigarette when he saw her underneath the moon between the trees.

"Are you going to smoke that or mind meld with it?" she said in a lighthearted voice, feeling a tad nostalgic for their past together.

He didn't answer her question, fearing that if he did, he would have to confront the ancient issues that had agonized him for so long. The first kiss they shared in the street that night when she had first asked him that question was one of his fondest memories.

"Why'd you come here?" he asked her.

"Because."

"Why?"

She didn't answer him, and he didn't press her for another answer. If there was anything he was good at, it was knowing when to stop.

For the next two minutes the two just stared into the darkness together, not saying anything. He didn't want to be the first to break the silence, and neither did she.

But it was her who finally broke the silence.

"Because _I_ didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"It's a huge mistake, I hear."

"Oh yeah?" she asked coyly.

"Yeah."

"Did you ever think about coming back before?" She asked while looking down; she had wanted to know for quite some time.

"Yeah, but honestly," he responded, quite openly, "I was too embarrassed. I let Luke down. I didn't get to graduate." He paused. "I couldn't take you to prom."

"It's okay," she said, knowing he was sorry.

"I was never too good at doing anything right, Rory, I'm sorry. And I don't blame you if you never want to talk to me again, okay?"

"I wouldn't blame me either, but I still want to." She smiled and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "So when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow, I hope."

"Oh."

"Do you wish you had said goodbye?"

"Which time?" he asked, forcing a smile as he stared into her piercing blue eyes, which had pierced him every single time he saw them.

"Both of them."

"Well the first time, I didn't know what to do. I was young and naïve, even more so than I am now. I was just so worried about you…and I guess I was never used to having to confront my feelings. But looking back, I know I should have just said goodbye; I just didn't know it at the time."

"Yeah…"

"But the second time," he continued, "well that was just really…look, did I say I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, you did," she smiled. "And I accept your apology."

"I should go. I should say goodbye to Luke."

"Saying goodbye is always important," she added.

"So I hear. Well, goodbye Rory."

"Goodbye yourself, Dodger."

And they both walked back home in separate directions. They may have not moved forward at all, but at least there was finally closure for their lives together in the present.


End file.
